time log 14: 26 hours

Energy drinks and fifteen minute naps (that strangely turn into 3 hours).

This has definitely been a tough week for me, and another is fast approaching. But it is okay. If I can be this optimistic at 4:30 in the morning, then I will undoubtedly survive the gauntlet.

Drawing consumes me, but I truly cannot complain. Even though I am rendering in such a tight, refined, and intricate manner, I find something new and exciting about this process every time I am so deeply involved with it. I sit in my chair for hours on end and stare at the paper, my head only inches away from the work in front of me. And I think. And think. And think. And think. Like every single microscopic grain that makes up the sheet of paper, I think.

Ideas shoot through my mind, and I envision works of art waiting to be made into little imperfect realities. One thought I encountered while I worked today dealt with my technique and process. I realized that this could very soon become boring for me, and I wondered how I could use my ability to render in a different, more innovative way. And I definitely have some ideas. But what also struck me was the thought that maybe I am not quite ready for that yet. My process is still compelling and fulfilling. There is so much yet to learn. And I also made a discovery. I do believe that I can render very very very well. This should be astonishing for anyone who knows me because I am typically not one to say this. Confidence has always been an issue for me, especially in regards to making artwork. But intertwined with my thoughts today, I realized that I am becoming more and more confident as an artist.

I am looking forward to finishing up and the final critique...

time log 13: 16 hours

I made a lot of progress this week! (Finally.)

I will post a picture of my drawing soon...

As soon as I finish my painting, begin another one, finish my last two photography projects, begin another drawing, study for modern art, shoot slides, volunteer hours, sleep, I want to cry.

But it will get done. It always does...

time log 12: 11 hours

Well, it is that time again.

So here I am, posting my hours, and then going to bed.

____________________

I want to be elsewhere, I really do. Red, plaid pajama pants and a warmth completely inexplicable. Instead I am crawling outside into a frozen isolation and a lonely bed. Where are you?

time log 11: 5 hours

So.

Here is my measly culmination of hours.

What is so awfully wrong with me? Yes, I admit that I've put drawing on the back burner for the last two weeks, but I will recover, I promise.

I think.

No, I will.

Hmmmmm.

What a crunch time for all of us.

Hmmmmm.

I work so much better in the morning.

6 a.m. is the goal.

• 5 hours drawing
  

time log 10: 30 minutes

Quoted from my sketchbook on September 19th in preparation for my next painting...

"My life has meaning. My work has meaning. I want my work to not only be an account of the past, but also a testimony that screams GOD. His beautiful warmth, his lovely presence, his terrifying love."

"I want to start afresh, anew, with a satisfying purpose for my direction, not to show the frustration of the past but to show how God used the past to enrich my life. I saw God in those times of despair and loneliness. I set my head on my pillow and cried within his lovely presence. I felt his love so deeply. I want this to show... this more than anything else."



I will catch up in drawing soon. After painting for 5 days straight and with dirty fingernails, I am ready to grab my pencils, kneaded eraser, and patience, and tackle drawing like never before!

• 30 minutes posting