There is a truth about me and blogs. However much I love them, I find it rather difficult to confront a blog that I have just created and post the very first entry. Rather than allow my fingers to express myself, I spend an entire week critiquing the design and typography of the webpage and searching through the html code for something to correct. I stare into space and envision wonderful sentences that I have pieced together, and I even think about where to put the commas and italics… but I always fail to actually piece any sentences together. I refrain from writing because I am afraid that nothing breathtaking will proceed from within me. Jibber jabber is bound to exist… that is all I am capable of.
This belief is no stranger to me. It is something that I have been overcoming my entire life. Perfectionism. Feeling incapable of doing anything well. I have gotten better, believe me. I have come to realize that I can create with outstanding intention and finish with a result that gives me the feeling of self-satisfaction. I can, even when everything in me feels like a failure.
Creating art has allowed me to drive this feeling of failure a little farther away. I have been able to use uncertainty to my advantage and learn from my paintings and solutions to various problems. I am realizing that mistakes are good and that real growth develops when uncertainty is embraced. I want to be an artist who is willing to explore and endure moments of not knowing in order to discover what is worth pursuing and how it might possibly be pursued.
This belief is no stranger to me. It is something that I have been overcoming my entire life. Perfectionism. Feeling incapable of doing anything well. I have gotten better, believe me. I have come to realize that I can create with outstanding intention and finish with a result that gives me the feeling of self-satisfaction. I can, even when everything in me feels like a failure.
Creating art has allowed me to drive this feeling of failure a little farther away. I have been able to use uncertainty to my advantage and learn from my paintings and solutions to various problems. I am realizing that mistakes are good and that real growth develops when uncertainty is embraced. I want to be an artist who is willing to explore and endure moments of not knowing in order to discover what is worth pursuing and how it might possibly be pursued.
I am excited about participating in this self-directed drawing class. I have an idea, and even though it seems quite challenging to me because I am clueless as to how I will construct and connect the images, I am willing to run away with my desire to do this. I mean, I have always wanted to, ever since I was a little girl. Why not abandon my fears of incapability and see what happens?
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