time log 5: 11 hours

1 o'clock in the morning calls for a brief post...




This week I dug deep into my direction and took a multitude of pictures, several of which I decided that I would use in the actual series. I also experimented with acrylic washes over a quick drawing and was highly pleased.
























The photo I chose for the first drawing tends to relate to the traditional self-portrait, but I figured it would be a good place to start. I intend to use bizarre and interesting compositions and facial expressions within the series... something a bit unusual for me considering how introverted and serious I can be.

My viewer may be surprised...

...and I may be too.

• 1.5 hours brainstorming/jotting down ideas/taking pictures
• 2.5 hours taking pictures/photoshop/printing
• 1.5 hours projecting and experimenting with the acrylic washes
• 4.5 hours drawing
• 1 hour taking pictures and posting

sorrowful loveliness

I am broken, but in such a good way.

I am beginning to understand how vital relying on my Creator truly is. Rather than trusting in myself or even the abilities He has given me, what really matters is trusting in Him to direct me as I pursue a future that is entirely unclear and that will always remain so.

So much growing up to do...

Nothing is certain, but I am certain of You.
Out of the darkness
Out of the brokenness
Out of this furnace
I find You.

time log 4: 5 hours

busy week
paper
printing negatives
writing resume
not drawing
work
studio
finally drawing
blah blah blah

My first attempt at exhibiting my work!

Maybe it isn't much, but this past Friday, I decided that I would enter two of my paintings into the Belton juried show. Kim and I took them over today, and now I am waiting on a little red card in my mailbox indicating whether they were accepted or not. Maybe they will be rejected, who knows, but I'm just happy that I finally made an effort.


















Downward Spiral
Mixed media on wood
46" x 36"
























A Juxtaposition of Hope and Fear
Oil on canvas
26" x 40"


My assignment this week was to pick an idea from Sketchbook with Voices, a compilation of art insights and exercises by various artists. I thought that Dennis Oppenheim was especially quirky and clever. Here are some of his pieces I looked at online.

Oppenheim wrote... An artist works through exposed wounds... something that is so true.

As my assignment, I picked the idea "paint faster than you think." This proved to be a liberating and freeing experience, an exercise more about the process than the end result. I took about 10 minutes for each piece, painting so fast that my mind could not dictate what my next move would be. This was really hard because I had to rely on my first impulse rather than what I "wanted" to do mentally. So I gooped up paint onto my brush and went at it. For the first one, I used a bristle brush, and for the second one, a palette knife.

Bristle brush

Palette knife

Detail 1

Detail 2

• 2.5 hours reading through Sketchbook with Voices, journaling favorite ideas, and looking up artists on the internet
• 2 hours brainstorming assignments and completing the "paint faster than you think" assignment
• a half hour taking pictures and posting on my blog

time log 3: 11 hours

The 6 degrees of separation assignment proved to be rather challenging because I began the project thinking that as long as I moved toward abstraction I would be okay. I failed to remember that I actually had to SUBTRACT from my original image or at least alter it in a rather minimalistic way as I separated myself from the forms that made up the white cup. So I started, then I started over, then I redid drawing four, or was it drawing five? Then I messed up on the last drawing, so I did that one over, and then I finally finished.

With success? Well, you be the judge. I am not completely satisfied with my progression between the third and fifth drawings, but I do like the last one. It was really lots of fun, despite my habitual messing up and starting over. The second drawing was really exciting to make. Sharpie was definitely my friend on that one. And I do believe that the final drawing possesses some kind of conceptual substance. I wanted to achieve a sense of contained chaos, and I think the sharp, tense, bold-colored lines within the delicate, perfectly-shaped bubble do just that. I think this represents a number of aspects regarding the human condition. Inside everyone, even the most perfect person, exists a constant tension or destructive force, something that I can confidently call the human condition. Also, in every situation, even the most cruel and devastating, there lives a constant hope, a light that keeps us going in the midst of agony. I especially like the sharp lines that lie so precariously next to the surface of the bubble. Sometimes life seems like this... about to burst, fall apart, spill its horrible contents on the floor.

Original drawing











1] soft pastels












2] sharpie











3] black, ochre, and gold ink











4] Prismacolor pencils











5] pointilism in black, red, blue, and yellow markers











6] acrylic paint


My hours this week...

• 2.5 hours working on a new blog template
• 15 minutes over dinner brainstorming assignment 2
• 1.5 hours beginning then starting over
• 1.5 hours working on drawings 1 through 4
• 2 hours redoing drawing 4 and finishing drawing 5
• 45 minutes working on drawing 6
• 1 hour reading Walking on Water
• 1.5 hours taking pictures and posting entries on my blog
  

If you have any questions about my entry below entitled are you really an artist, please read an older entry entitled it judges us. I think this should be relevant.

are you really an artist?

It seems that lately I have been forced to question the definition of being an artist.

I mean, anyone can say "I am an artist, I love to paint, I love to draw, it makes me happy, I like to make pretty things." Anyone can say those things, but as David told me in the car yesterday during a passionate discussion, anyone can say "Look, I am a swimmer!" while sitting in a freaking kiddie pool.

Are you really an artist? I honestly cannot tell you that I know the purest formula for answering that question. In fact, sometimes I even doubt my own artistic legitimacy. In a way, it is equivalent to being a Christian and entertaining doubts about Christ. And that is okay. That is perfectly natural. That is expected. What disturbs me is when someone proclaims to be an artist when the work reflects nothing of that person.

No effort. No growth. No experimentation. A lack of honesty and personal investment, either conceptually or technically. An unwillingness to embrace the uncertain elements necessary in making art. Close-mindedness. [That is a big one.]

I believe that to be an artist, one must make sacrifices. One must be willing to let go of restrictions, preconceived notions, and most importantly, the urge to withdraw emotionally and conceptually from the work. To be an artist is to live in the work.

I was outraged yesterday when I learned that the majority of my classmates were disgusted by Egon Schiele's work simply because it was ugly.

UGLY!

Is this how we define art today? With words synonymical to pretty and ugly? I honestly do not understand this. I was mortified to learn that this was the attitude of those who have had the opportunity to create their own work and experience the significance of expression.

What more can I say? I am speechless.

I am moved.

time log 2: 9 hours 30 minutes

I drew a cup.






Well, I drew a cup last week too, but I did not like it very much. I used a mechanical pencil so it was extremely hard to create smooth gradations, and I didn't use a light source, so the entire drawing came out much too dark, highlights and everything. My assignment was to draw a white cup on a white background and define the cup by drawing in only the shadows and highlights. I really enjoyed it. I sat for 4 hours straight drawing and listening to The String Quartet rock out to Atreyu.

• 3 hours reading and journaling Walking on Water
• 1.5 hours writing my Statement of Direction
• 1 hour posting on my blog and brainstorming in my sketchbook
• 4 hours redoing problem 1 (this time using a light source and regular pencil)

Here is my Statement of Direction thus far.

My goal this semester in ART 342 is to build a body of work that reflects who I am as an individual. Perhaps the most significant aspect of making art is found in the truth that art is an expression of the artist, whether conscious or unconscious, intentional or accidental. I truly believe this, and as an artist, I understand the importance of embracing the uncertain elements involved in making art with the intention that something new can be learned about the artist through the work in its completed state. My desire this semester is to use this opportunity not only to express myself through my work, but also discover aspects peculiar to who I am from my work.

I intend to achieve this by creating a series of self-portraits rendered in graphite pencil and refined by acrylic washes. These self-portraits will embody who I am at a deeper level based on the imagery and compositional elements used. I will begin my process by analyzing my inner qualities and exploring unique ways in which I can reveal these to the viewer. After journaling and sketching ideas, I will take pictures of my figure, head, and facial expressions that others would generally never observe, whether in photos or in everyday interaction. My goal will be to expose my inner self through creative, revealing, and yet sometimes mysterious ways. Based on the photos I have taken, I will construct compelling compositions and render the images in graphite pencil, using artistic license in refining some areas of the images and leaving other areas rather rough and unrefined. Once the images are drawn, I will apply matte medium and acrylic washes over the surface of the drawings to add color, depth, emphasis, and life. I will also experiment with lighting and contrast and push the subject matter as well as the colors used within each piece. My desire is that my work will move past the boundaries of the traditional self-portrait into an intense and emotional dialogue with the audience, and indeed, even myself.

it judges us

Several days ago I opened the front cover of an inspiring book and began reading. Jo Carol mentioned this book during our discussion on Art and Fear two weeks ago, and then it was randomly handed to me by a friend who had no idea that I was interested in reading it. Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art by Madeleine L'Engle. I am amazed at the truth delivered through these pages. Such inspiration cannot go "un-blogged".

In reference to what some people consider to be non-Christian art...

An abstract composition by Kandinsky or van Gogh's landscape of the cornfield with birds... is a real instance of divine transfiguration, in which we see matter rendered spiritual and entering into the glorious liberty of the children of God. This remains true, even when the artist does not personally believe in God. Provided he is an artist of integrity, he is a genuine servant of the glory which he does not recognize, and unknown to himself there is something divine about his work. We may rest confident that at the last judgment the angels will produce his works of art as testimony on his behalf.

We may not like that, but we call the work of such artists non-Christian at our peril. Christ has always worked in ways which have seemed peculiar to many men, even his closest followers. We need not feel that we have to understand how he works through artists who do not consciously recognize him. Neither should our lack of understanding cause us to assume that he cannot be present in their work.

To be a witness does not consist in engaging in propaganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist.

Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.

And this is what I draw from to create my work.

We do not judge great art. It judges us.

my obligation

This week I realized the extent of expectation that I create for myself. Well, not entirely the complete extent, but I did uncover a truth about myself regarding my view of productivity. As a student and artist, I somehow set goals for myself, even simple ones, that compel me to act constantly. Now that I have only 13 credit hours this semester, I find that I have even more work than ever before, and I find that when I fail to complete that work, I feel even more regret than ever before. It is a puzzling characteristic about me. What I consider as productivity seems to be unachievable at times. I feel like I need to be learning constantly, as if I haven't a minute to lose, as if my very life depends on it. And when I find myself several goals away from where I wanted to be half a day ago, I feel as if I have failed miserably. I used to think that this was a result of my perfectionist state of mind, but I do not think so anymore. I believe I have an inner compulsion to "run the race" and to live doing just that. A purpose. A reason for doing what I am doing. A necessary obligation to learn. To learn for everything that I am worth. When I am not learning or pushing myself, I feel dead, stale, barely alive. What keeps me breathing in fulfillment is running toward the purpose firmly placed within me. I cannot explain why I am the way I am, why I feel as if I have lost myself when I do not achieve my goals, why I feel as though I have wasted the day when I do not run toward it with an inexplicable courage, why I even set goals for myself in the first place. I suppose I feel as if my life is a gift. I need to unwrap that gift, learn how to use it, and never let it stand idle. It is a divine obligation, and every day counts in pursuing this obligation. My life would not be beautiful without it.