the last three drawings

Self-Portrait
9.5”x 7”
Graphite and acrylic on Bristol board
2007






























Weighted and Gray
7.25”x 5.75”
Graphite and acrylic on Bristol board
2007





























Fierce
9.25”x 7.5”
Graphite and acrylic on Bristol board
2007

time log 15: 25 hours

4 drawings/paintings.
178 hours.
Immeasurable insight and experience.

My work this semester began at a rather slow pace, but within the last three weeks, it picked up speed and taught me so much about myself, my courage to try something a little bit different, and my ability to manipulate paint and color. According to my final contract, my goal for the remainder of the semester was to experiment with acrylic washes and push the use of color within my self-portraits. I believe that I successfully met this goal because I set aside the importance of the graphite and experimented with the washes, showing boldness in how I applied them. I overcame my preliminary disappointment when the graphite lost clarity underneath the washes by embracing the potential of the paint and using it to my advantage. I believe that my pieces are now stronger because of the expressive brushstrokes and splatters. Although these pieces may show my lack of expertise in this area, they testify to my willingness to experiment and sacrifice one element in order to gain another.

I really want to post pictures, but I am much too tired. Senior and all-nighter just don't go together anymore. First, some shut-eye, and then pictures...

• 25 hours composed of drawing, applying acrylic washes, matting, writing, thinking, and talking about my work
  

time log 14: 26 hours

Energy drinks and fifteen minute naps (that strangely turn into 3 hours).

This has definitely been a tough week for me, and another is fast approaching. But it is okay. If I can be this optimistic at 4:30 in the morning, then I will undoubtedly survive the gauntlet.

Drawing consumes me, but I truly cannot complain. Even though I am rendering in such a tight, refined, and intricate manner, I find something new and exciting about this process every time I am so deeply involved with it. I sit in my chair for hours on end and stare at the paper, my head only inches away from the work in front of me. And I think. And think. And think. And think. Like every single microscopic grain that makes up the sheet of paper, I think.

Ideas shoot through my mind, and I envision works of art waiting to be made into little imperfect realities. One thought I encountered while I worked today dealt with my technique and process. I realized that this could very soon become boring for me, and I wondered how I could use my ability to render in a different, more innovative way. And I definitely have some ideas. But what also struck me was the thought that maybe I am not quite ready for that yet. My process is still compelling and fulfilling. There is so much yet to learn. And I also made a discovery. I do believe that I can render very very very well. This should be astonishing for anyone who knows me because I am typically not one to say this. Confidence has always been an issue for me, especially in regards to making artwork. But intertwined with my thoughts today, I realized that I am becoming more and more confident as an artist.

I am looking forward to finishing up and the final critique...

time log 13: 16 hours

I made a lot of progress this week! (Finally.)

I will post a picture of my drawing soon...

As soon as I finish my painting, begin another one, finish my last two photography projects, begin another drawing, study for modern art, shoot slides, volunteer hours, sleep, I want to cry.

But it will get done. It always does...

time log 12: 11 hours

Well, it is that time again.

So here I am, posting my hours, and then going to bed.

____________________

I want to be elsewhere, I really do. Red, plaid pajama pants and a warmth completely inexplicable. Instead I am crawling outside into a frozen isolation and a lonely bed. Where are you?

time log 11: 5 hours

So.

Here is my measly culmination of hours.

What is so awfully wrong with me? Yes, I admit that I've put drawing on the back burner for the last two weeks, but I will recover, I promise.

I think.

No, I will.

Hmmmmm.

What a crunch time for all of us.

Hmmmmm.

I work so much better in the morning.

6 a.m. is the goal.

• 5 hours drawing
  

time log 10: 30 minutes

Quoted from my sketchbook on September 19th in preparation for my next painting...

"My life has meaning. My work has meaning. I want my work to not only be an account of the past, but also a testimony that screams GOD. His beautiful warmth, his lovely presence, his terrifying love."

"I want to start afresh, anew, with a satisfying purpose for my direction, not to show the frustration of the past but to show how God used the past to enrich my life. I saw God in those times of despair and loneliness. I set my head on my pillow and cried within his lovely presence. I felt his love so deeply. I want this to show... this more than anything else."



I will catch up in drawing soon. After painting for 5 days straight and with dirty fingernails, I am ready to grab my pencils, kneaded eraser, and patience, and tackle drawing like never before!

• 30 minutes posting